Monday, December 19, 2011

A few Christmas thoughts!

So, still no baby! Against all of my pleas, our baby girl is still content with just being inside of mommy. I thought when I went to the dr. 2 weeks ago and had that progress that I would be the exception to the rule and that things would go quickly for me... haha I was wrong. Last week there wasn't much news, I was just dilated to a 1 which means pretty much no change:( My official due date isn't until the 28th but my original due date was the 18th, so I was hoping that I would have her then, but looks like we still have a bit to go. Now I'm just trying to hold on and NOT, yes that's right, not have her this week. I would feel so bad if she was born on Christmas! I already feel bad that she's due so close to Christmas, but if she was born ON Christmas it would just be hard.  I'm going to the dr. again in a couple of days and we'll see if there's any progress this week:) 

Anyways with Christmas less than a week away I wanted to share some thoughts:

*Our Christmas this year is a little over shadowed by everything else. We decided that this year Christmas was going to be small. Few gifts and even fewer decorations. We actually only have a foot and a half tall tree on our table and that's all! Which makes me a little sad because I love decorating for Christmas. Its one of my absolute favorite things to do. But this year we didn't see much point in putting everything up. First of all we are moving back up to Utah soon after our baby is born and have already moved half of our stuff up there and I sent all of our decorations up. I just didn't want to have more to take down and pack once we had our new baby and everything. So it doesn't really feel like Christmas in our home and honestly all of our thoughts have been consumed with our baby. 

*However, although this Christmas does not have many material things, this Christmas has never had so much meaning to me. Being pregnant at this time of year has totally changed my thoughts about everything. 

First of all, I know why Mary went into labor:) She had to ride a donkey from Nazareth all the way to Bethlehem! That's why she went into labor that night and they couldn't wait for the next day to try and find an Inn that had room. They needed something right then. So... I guess that's what I should do. I need to find a donkey and ride it through a rocky terrain all day long. Then, maybe then, I would go into labor:)

Second, on a more serious note, my love and adoration for Mary has grown immensely. I love Luke 1:28 what the Angel says about her. "Hail, thou that art highly favored, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women... " What a remarkable, humble and faithful woman she must have been. Right now especially I am feeling a tiny, little bit of what she must have been feeling like. I can not hear the song Breath of Heaven without crying now. I love the part that says, "I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan." I think being pregnant is literally offering every physical thing that you can as a woman. Giving everything that she had, probably so afraid and just trusting in God's plan. What an example she is to me. I can not imagine the heartache she had to endure as a mother. She was a "chosen vessel." 

And lastly, the TRUE meaning of Christmas. I've always heard that phrase and always tried my best to remember the true meaning of Christmas, but this year I feel like I really do understand it better. Yesterday in church we had a lesson on exaltation. Our teacher gave us all a notecard and asked us to write down what we would change about our lives if we knew that Christ was coming in exactly 6 months. What we would want to take out or add more of or what we would like to change about ourselves to feel worthy to be with Him and to obtain exaltation. I always feel like those questions are super daunting and overwhelming, but I tried to focus on honestly what I would change. I made a list and believe me if we would have had more time I could have filled a novel. Then at the end of class, tying it all into Christmas, she had us watch this video, then she asked a question that I had never thought of before. This Christmas, what gift are you giving the Savior? 

I was actually quite happy this weekend because I had finished pretty much all of my Christmas shopping. I was feeling on top of everything and thought I had bought everyone a gift that I needed to. But I had never stopped to think about giving a gift to my Savior. Then our teacher suggested that we look at the list we had made and that this year for Christmas we give Him one thing on that list. And that resonated so deeply with me. The whole reason we have this season is to celebrate the birth of our Savior. I get so caught up in buying gifts for everyone that I didn't even think to give a gift to the one who gave me everything! I felt so selfish and committed to giving Him one thing on the list that I had made. I know my insignificant gift can never repay Him for all that He has done for me. I have been so immensely blessed the last couple of months. There have been so many miracles and answered prayers and so many little things the Lord has done to show me He loves me. I hope that by giving this gift I can show Him how much I truly love Him.

I can't eloquently put into words how much all of this means to me. But I am so grateful for this Christmas season and the time that I have to reflect on what a special event that day was. 



Sarah said...

Afton, We had our twins on the 11th of December and I also felt horrible for the fact that it was so close to Christmas and didn't want them to feel they were forgotten because we were consumed with Christmas. After this year, we realized it really wasn't all that bad, but as they get older we want to give them the option to have an "unhappy birthday" and pick a day they want to celebrate with all their friends so it's not associated with Christmas, and where she may be born when school is out it may be hard to have a party for her, but those are just a few ideas for you. I am super excited for you.

Bridget said...

This is such a great post! :) Thanks for sharing. Good luck with your move too! My goodness, you are getting so close! I hope you have a wonderful holiday!!